Gears of War 3

 Gears of War 3

So Gears of War 3 was released recently and there's nothing I like better than to play a AAA release and nitpick about things like how the main character's pants don't match his shirt. I've played the previous two Gears games, however one things that always annoyed me was the lack of explanation as to just what the fuck is going on. You get thrown into this post-apocalyptic cityscape infested with monstrous locust creatures and nobody thinks to tell you just what happened, so my understanding of the story is weak at best. I've always considered the franchise to be a shoot first, ask questions never sort of scenario, so it's with this grim outlook that I entered Gears of War 3 or as I affectionately call it "Solve all your problems by chainsawing the shit out of them."


The game opens into a time that is (I assume) shortly after the end of Gears of War 2's final events. I'm a little foggy on precisely what we accomplished in Gears 2, but apparently the repercussions of these actions has us living like bilge rats on a shitty barge in the middle of nowhere. Good job guys; death actually looks preferable to me. All the usual suspects are there, Marcus Fenix: the gravelly voiced hardass with a rough history, Dominic Santiago: Marcus' brother-in-arms who drama'd the shit out of the last game after shooting his own wife in the face (and is disturbingly ok considering that,) Baird: The cocky tech guru and Cole Train: The rough and tumble ex-sports star turned defender of humanity. There's also Anya, some woman I've never fucking seen before but everyone else seems to know and a guy called Jace who is in the same boat.

So here we are on this boat when fucking surprise, we're set upon by lambent (the explosive yellow pricks who make all your melee attacks suck for everyone involved.) Along with their shock troops, there's also a huge squid-like monster. Call me impartial but I was fucking pumped, there's nothing I love more than finding the biggest badass I can and shooting the shit out of it. Big, intimidating bosses is one of my favourite parts of video games and I think more games need them. So you tramp around this barge fighting locusts while angry-squidward rips it apart, which I have to say is actually kind of cool. As the boat starts to take on water, it begins to list and shake and it actually felt like the boat was sinking. After performing some unmemorable objectives, the creature is defeated (in a manner I wont spoil, but I appreciated the funny aspect of it) and in comes some helicopters carrying some guy who is very clearly the best way they could think to kick the plot off in this game. I think he may have been a character from a previous game or the mythos or something, I can't really remember but it's not like it matters because like 20 minutes after performing his plot-vital speech he gets ganked anyway.

The game then switches over to Cole Train and co. to show their part in the battle. See before the attack, they left in a helicopter to go and get supplies (which you actually have to do, what is this, shopping simulator?) When the distress call comes in from Dom and Marcus, they head off to help, leading part of an attack you hear over the radio while on the ship. It's actually not that bad a way to display the two points of view, it's one of the things I like about the Gears games. I also like that everything is done in co-op play friendly pairs because at least one of my two friends in the fucking universe likes to shoot shit too, so having a pal to watch your back helps to sooth the cold, lonely nights as a tree-trunk armed merchant of death.

It's at this point that Gears 3 loses major points, right as aforementioned Captain Plotpoint explains the situation. Basically there's a message for Marcus, and wait for it, it's from his dead father. Nice one guys, did you steal that from the Bold and the Beautiful or something? Marcus has this  flashback to how his father dies which is almost as lame as that plot; while Marcus and Dom are evacuating him from the besieged Fenix Manor, some of the roof falls off and apparently onto him. Surely you would check if he was dead or not after that? Apparently not, because the guy who delivered the message to Marcus then admits that he and his supporters kidnapped him or something. It's not very clear. Right about now, the ship is attacked again and this time sunk. I actually find this more realistic than a lot of games where you successfully fight off a threat. Surely at monster HQ, the commander wouldn't decide against a second attack. "They killed Squidward? Send everyone."

What's to say about Gears 3 that cant be found out by playing Gears 2? A big pitfall of the AAA title market is that developers are afraid to push the envelope; nothing new ever gets introduced for fear of losing out on sales. Halo is guilty of it, Gears is guilty of it and it seriously bores the shit out of me. I suspect the controls in Gears 3 might be sharper and more responsive although doing the roadie-run still causes that shaky camera bullshit that makes me want to walk through every mission. The scenario sets tend to be typical Gears epic, it's certainly up to standard in that department. I enjoy that the story path leads you towards hijacking and using Locust equipment because it has that gritty low tech feel that the Locust epitomise (their zeppelins are flying blowfish strapped to fucking boats.) There's also some standard on-rails vehicle shooter sections which I find slightly bland but I also think it would be bland if you were able to travel through enemy waters unmolested so I'm fairly neutral to it.

In terms of story, Gears 1&2 weren't really amazing, and Gears 3 doesn't really perform any miracles either. There's a difference between forcing your audience to learn the plot as your characters do and completely confusing the shit out of them. It winds being that the characters understand the plot and the player has no fucking clue what is going on. It's a real immersion breaker when it feels like the cast of the game has excluded you from their circle. Marcus and Dom's sections seem to be pretty standard, angsty bro-love stuff. One thing I will say is that Dominic spends a surprisingly small amount of time reflecting on the fact that he made his wife literally bite the bullet. I mean sure, she was zombified or some shit but god damn.

This is going to piss off the fanboys, but to be honest I think the strongest part of the narrative actually comes from a section in which Cole Train visits the sport stadium in his old home town. It's got some interesting game history and story to give, plus a really groovy section in which Cole Train has some kind of 'Nam flashback and you score a touchdown with a football. Except it's not a football, it's a bomb and it's not a score-zone, it's a huge enemy. An important lesson is learned here for all other game developers: make sure your comic relief doesn't accidentally upstage the main plot.

Gears 3 also contains a Horde Mode similar to previous games. Generally I'm no fan of wave-based holdout games, but I've got to admit I had fun with this. It brings on a sort of RTS element in between waves in which you place defenses and spend points earned in the previous round. It speaks well of an activity when I like it despite not being good at it and I assure you I am fucking terrible at Horde Mode. For fair comparison I'm awful at driving games and I also fucking hate them. Science.

I'm not going to comment on the multiplayer. I know it's very big amongst fans of the series and while I don't personally see the appeal, I'd imagine that if millions of people do it it must be better than a kick in the throat. I did give it a go, although I'm far removed from my roots in tournament play first person shooters in Gears. I find the third person perspective to be restrictive of my ability to act, react and navigate the terrain effectively. These, of course, are excuses to explain why I blow ass at third person multiplayer because some of the people I was playing against were ridiculously good

As a whole, Gears of War three does the standard AAA thing. It delivers a full game that does most things well, some things poorly and nothing exceptionally. Okay that's not fair, playing the game in co-op makes it more fun and Gears does co-op exceptionally. My general experience is that although I don't regret playing it, I probably wont play it again unless it's in Horde Mode with friends. I rate it a respectable but unamazing 7 out of 10 potential fucks given.